Learn How to Create a Magical Relationship
Relationships are a never ending source of inspiration and frustration. Especially those close romantic ones where we have the opportunity to go deeper into love than we have ever gone.
I see people who are in relationship struggling and contemplating holding on or letting go.
I see people who are single whose greatest desire is to be in a close intimate relationship.
And…on occasion I actually see a relationship that is working. What is the secret? How do you create a magical relationship?
The secret really is the relationship you have cultivated with yourself! How true have you been to you? How deep is your love for yourself? How caring are you to the different aspects of yourself, such as the child within? Are you nurturing, loving, forgiving?
Our relationship with ourselves ultimately indicates how your relationship with a significant other in your life will go. The more you learn to love and respect yourself the more you will draw others to you who will mirror to you your own self-love.
If underneath the surface you have a lot of self-loathing, you are an easy magnet for those who will reflect to you this self loathing. We need to learn to look at each one of our relationships as opportunities for personal growth.
If you are miserable and looking for someone to make you happy, forget it! You will find someone who may initially light your fire, but eventually you will make each other miserable. It will likely be a war between children and wounded hearts, leaving you feeling more hurt and wounded in the end; Unless, of course, you use this opportunity to rise above and step into a new level of being.
The true secret to a loving relationship is the coming together of two people who are whole and solid in themselves. This means the clearing out of all the baggage from your past, healing old relationship wounds to where you no longer view your former mate as evil but rather with love for them and where they are in their journey.
Even if an ex-partner has been abusive, you must come to terms with that abuse and see your part in the creation of it. Perhaps you have come from abuse and believe on some level you deserve it so subconsciously attract a mate with the potential for abuse.
I once had a wise healer woman talk to me about abuse after I ended a relationship that felt abusive to me. She told me the story of how she stayed with her husband through the abuse until she was able to clear the patterns of abuse within herself and once she did he changed and stopped being abusive. When she took responsibility for her part in the relationship she was able to shift the whole relationship.
I'm not suggesting you should stay in an abusive relationship, but rather that it is important to examine why you might have found yourself in a situation like this.
If you have left an abusive partner you need to really take time for yourself, go within and heal. Eventually you will have to realize that your ex-partner was just acting out of his/her own woundedness. When you can see your former mate as a wounded child who just wanted to be loved but didn’t know how to be loving, you can have compassion for that person and forgive him for the pain that was caused in your life.
Since we all, in a sense, live in different realities, we aren’t always aware of how our behavior is effecting others around us. We see ourselves as having a right to our behavior and see others as the instigators of our behavior. Regardless of the situation we never have the right to be abusive to another. If you feel a part of you wanting to react in a hurtful way it is time to walk away from the situation and take care of yourself.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone is acting abusively toward you either through physical violence or emotional intimidation, you have the right to back away from the relationship and take care of yourself. When you can truly learn to care for yourself in the midst of darkness you will emerge with a new kind of strength into the light.
I don’t believe there is ever a perfect relationship. Because relationships are mirrors! They reflect to us where we are in the moment. It is human to go through trials, challenges and birthing pains. When we are partnered, no matter how much baggage we have cleared stuff will still come up to be healed. A strong loving relationship is one where we feel safe moving through our pain and inner struggles together.
So…if you are searching for the One, take a look at who you are. What are your patterns in past relationships. What has been the same about every relationship you’ve been in? What has been different? Which one did you experience the most self love in? Which one was the most painful? In looking into your past you can get answers and receive healing that will assist you in moving forward into a more complimentary relationship.
Your cup must be full before you seek out a relationship, because it is from a full cup that you are able to give the spillover to your partner. A successful relationship is one where we don’t ask what we can get, but rather what can we give. If our love cup is overflowing than we have a lot of love to give. This is where we want to be when we attract our mate.
I say “attract our mate” because we don’t really ever need to go searching for a mate. When you open your heart and just become the love that you seek, you will naturally draw to you a loving partner.
When contemplating whether to hold on or let go of a relationship you are in than why not just let go! Letting go is a powerful action to take in relationship. Through the process of letting go you acknowledge that you have no ownership in that persons life and they are free to make their own choices and live their lives according to their own inner guidance.
Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean you are ending the relationship or that you won’t be together in the future. It simply means you let go of the need to control outcomes and allow the divine to work in both of your lives. We always want to attract the highest situation to us. So either a relationship we are in needs to break apart in order to come back together in a higher light, or we need to be moved on to a situation that better compliments where we are in the moment.
Letting go is the ultimate action in relationship! Let go of your need to have one, let go of your need to make one work and let go of your need to control anything within a relationship. We are all individuals with unique ways of being in the world. We all have our own divine plan to fulfill and we all come from our own unique set of circumstances.
The best gift we can give another is the gift of honoring them for where they are on the path of life. Allow each person in your life to be exactly where they are and don’t judge them for it.
The more practiced you are at letting go and allowing the more rich, loving and fulfilling you will find your relationships.
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